i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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