ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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