You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
