Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
