it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
