Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
