you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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