i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's blow job season.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
