my mouth tastes like poor choices
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
