weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
