Nicole vs. Life
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
