reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
