the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
