i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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