i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
