I think i peed on brittanys purse
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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