I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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