Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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