Farmville is her only friend.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
