3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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