Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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