My sheets look like a crime scene.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
