my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
