The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Success! We fucked roommates!
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