did you get engaged???
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
