I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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