I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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