Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
