fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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