So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Randomize
