You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
