she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
