And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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