I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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