Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
