Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
