i just google imaged poop.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
