His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
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Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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