My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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