i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize