So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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