Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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