I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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