i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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