Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
