His pubic hair was longer than his dick
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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