How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
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