i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
