If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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