I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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