my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
