Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
