Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
