Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
