I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
