i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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