you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
