Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
