i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wish i was in the wii world.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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