everyone is single if you try hard enough
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
The convent might be a nice break from real life
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
