You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
