FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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