ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
