were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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