awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
