If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
