why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Randomize
