who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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