3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
