My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
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