How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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