i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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