Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
