The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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