trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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