Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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