Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
