i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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