All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
