I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
