Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
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just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
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Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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